


oblivious

by perhapssoon



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: F/F, Ice Cream, asgard lesbians, bonding with ships, both are okay at blending in, matchmaking is great too, sif doesn’t know how Midgard works, sif is in love, valkrie loves her date
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-15
Updated: 2018-07-21
Packaged: 2019-06-10 16:51:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,420
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15295890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/perhapssoon/pseuds/perhapssoon
Summary: Sif meets Valkyrie through a dating site. The only problem is: they both think the other is Midgardian.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> From lesbianporg post on tumblr.

“Thor, I do not need a girlfriend,” Sif says decidedly as she shoves the Midgardian device — what did Thor call it? A laptop? — away from her face in disgust for the tenth time.

“You have never tried having one; you might like it,” Thor protests, trying to get around her defenses with the laptop. “This site is very reliable. The mortal woman Darcy has recommended it to me. I take her word as the truth. As what she says, this is the best of lesbian dating sites.”

“And this...Darcy. Is she reliable?”

“Of course!”

When Sif gives her friend a disbelieving look, Thor relents a bit. “Okay, she can be a bit inconsistent but most of her words are true.”

Sif narrows her eyes at him but takes the laptop. “This better be good.”

“Oh it will!” Thor points to the screen. “I have researched some lovely women for you who you may want to meet.”

“And these women are all Midgardian?” Sif asks, scrolling through pictures of — she has to admit — rather attractive women.

“Why wouldn’t they be?” is the response and Sif decides just to go with it.

“Fine.  But if I do not like the date, then I will no longer listen to you.”

Thor shrugs. “Fine with me.”

—

"The great Lady Sif has a date?" Volstagg sounds incredulous, but he's smiling, and Sif smacks his arm, a grin stretching across her face as well.

"Yes.  Do not speak a word of it to anyone," she warns, the rare smile on her face definitely putting off the tone of her words.

"Wouldn't think of it, milady." Fandral bows with a flourish, making sure to flick his cape in the way he was sure to exasperate her.  "Think of it. Dear Lady Sif on her first date with a Midgardian! How attractive is she?"

"Very," Sif admits, pulling the laptop out of her bag.  She's already disguised as a mortal, wearing a leather jacket, skinny jeans, and shoes that Thor insisted on buying her on one of his regular trips down to Midgard. She opens the lid and shows the Warriors Three the picture.

Valerie Key A woman with a half scowl on her face stares out at them, black hair up in a messy bun.  Her hobbies included many Midgardian sports, as well as, (and Sif thought this was a bit odd for a Midgardian to do) mercenary work, sword fighting, and drinking contests.

Fandral whistles. "She does look sprightly.  You have good taste."

She slams the lid in his face, a smirk upon her lips.  "Of course I do."

"Do be careful, Lady Sif," Hogun says cautiously.  "You may never know the antics of Midgardians but it is important you do not let her know you are Asgardian."

She gives another one of her rare smiles. "I will.  I promise."

—

"Where are you going?" Thor asks, as Valkyrie passes him with her hair down and a rather long scarf. 

"A date." She stops before making eye contact and says firmly. "Don't tell anyone."

"I won't," he promises her.  "It just is a bit funny because..." he trails off, looking guilty, like he shouldn't have said anything.

"What?" she demands.

"Never mind." Thor's face brightens like it always does when he's trying to distract her.  It never works but Valkyrie decides to do along with it. She doesn't have time for this. "Who are you going on a date with?"

"Silia Frane," she replies.  "Found her on that stupid dating site last night. And if this doesn't work, I will not speak to you for a year."

"I understand," Thor says, looking her up and down, "But you seem a little conspicuous."

Valkyrie looks down at her outfit.  She's wearing sunglasses and a scarf, but she's also wearing her Valkyrie armor, which is sure to stand out in Midgard. She wrapped cloth around the most obvious parts, but it looks very unlike the fashion down on Earth.  She shrugs nonchalantly.

"Could probably blend in if I tried, but I don't want to. I can just say I'm part of, what do you call those?" 

"Comic Cons," Thor says.  "Darcy tells me about them a lot."

"Right. Those things."

—

The restaurant is full of people, and Sif finds herself tugging the hem of her jacket out from between the crowds. She doesn't know why her date arranged to meet here; maybe it is her favorite restaurant. 

Earth eating services are very strange, however.  A man asks her to sign in, which she does not know how to do.  When he sees that she is confused, however, he slows down.

"What is your name?" he asks, pen poised over one of those things Thor calls a tablet.

"Silia Frane," she replies, careful to keep to her Midgard persona.

He nods and skims the rest of the information with his eyes.  "Your table is this way." He walks off and Sif has to struggle to get through the masses of people congregating around tables. He leads to to a table near the back.  There is a woman already sitting there, with oversized sunglasses and hair down, but Sif knows immediately that this is her date. One thing she finds weird is that the woman is also wearing some armor wrapped in cloth that looks rather familiar.  She wonders if she should've come wearing her armor as well, but the thought is diminished rather quickly after she sees everyone else around her alike in fashion.

"Valerie Key," the woman offers, standing and jerkily offering her hand.  Sif stares at it until she remembers she needs to shake it. Proper Earth greeting.

"Silia Frane," she responds, and they both sit at the same time.

There's a period of awkward silence before their waiter arrives.  "Would you ladies like anything to drink?"

"Water," Valerie says without hesitation.  "And a beer."

"I'll have the same, fellow human" Sif says quickly.  The waiter nods and leaves.

"So," Valerie leans back, decidedly unladylike and drapes her arm over the back of the chair comfortably. "you have a ship?"

It seems like it was the only thing she could think of, yet Sif is happy to answer.  This is one conversation starter she really thinks she'll enjoy. _Who knew Midgardians keep conversation so easily? And her accent is a bit familiar too._

"I used to," she says.  "My friend accidentally destroyed it a while ago." 

Valerie nods sympathetically.  "Mine was great. It had these huge guns that I connected to my gauntlets. They would aim wherever I needed. I called it Warsong."

"That is a great name," Sif says honestly.  "What happened to it?"

Valerie's face sours a bit.  "Destroyed."

"Oh, I'm sorry," Sif says, as if they're talking about a dead pet of some sort.  "I'm sure it was an excellent ship. It sure sounded like it.  Large guns are something I wish my ship had."

"What features _did_ it have?" Valerie asks, sitting up. 

Sif shrugs. "I had a cannon."

"A cannon?" Valerie sounds excited and Sif realizes just how beautiful she looks right then. "Really?"

She nods.  "Nothing like those Ea- I mean regular cannons, though.  It was rather big and quite lovely."

Valerie looks like she's imagining it in her mind. "Wow."

"What would you like to eat?" the waiter is back.  Sif hadn't even seen him bring out the drinks.

Valerie studies her menu. "What is fried chicken?"

"Oh, that is chicken that's been fried," the waiter says, and Sif has a feeling that he doesn't know how to respond to the question.  Maybe he's never been asked it before.

Valerie looks back at her menu and then glances up at the waiter. "I will have some," she says and the waiter nods.  "And you, ma'am?"

Sif glances at the menu.  There's a lot of food she hasn't heard of before, but she determined to have something new for a change to adapt to human ways of lifestyle.  "I will have the..." she squints. "...roast duck with string beans and ranch." She pulls random items off the menu, having no idea if any of them go together.  

The waiter blinks once and then nods, jotting it down.  "Of course." He disappears.

"What were we talking about? Oh right, ships." Valerie leans forward.  "I stole one later, but it was not as good."

"Really? How'd you steal it?" This woman was getting better and better.  And being a Midgardian was easier than Sif thought.

"With my bare hands." Valerie wiggles her fingers at Sif.

"So you are strong, then." Sif smiles.  "I like that. I am also strong."

"Arm wrestle?" Valerie asks, lifting one arm and letting her elbow fall onto the table.  "I bet I can beat you."

Sif did not want to break this poor mortal's arm (only Asgardian bones were strong enough to withstand her force in an arm-wrestling match), but she didn't want to insult her by refusing.  She didn't know if arm wrestling on a date was a natural thing on Midgard, but if her date was going to, she was not going to back down. "I bet you cannot."

She gripped Valerie's hand firmly, noticing the other woman's strong grip and rough hands.  Being in contact with her without the strange Earth formalities made Sif's heart beat a bit faster. "Ready? On three."

"One.  Two. Three."  Careful to use only part of her full strength as to not fracture Valerie's arm, Sif was met with a lot of force. The woman was strong, though not as strong as her or exerting that much force anyway. They were locked in standstill for a long time until the waiter came back, balancing two plates of food. 

They quickly put their arms down.

—

Valkyrie didn't want to hurt Silia so she held back.  Silia seemed to be going full force, yet not tiring, so she was glad when the food came.

The fried chicken was actually pretty good.

Since the silence from eating allowed her to think, Valkyrie had time to analyze her actions so far.  Silia hadn't questioned her outfit, nor seemed disgusted by her. She did seem surprised when Valkyrie asked about ships, though she got into it way more than Valkyrie predicted.  She was pretty and quite attractive, which only made Valkyrie want to kiss her even more. And the conversation and 'Midgard acting' actually turned out better than expected. Valkyrie honestly didn't know how to venture further because she was afraid that Silia would leave but the aura the other woman gave off relaxed her quite a bit.

"Hm, this fried chicken is good," she muses as she chews.  "Have you ever had it before?"

Silia shakes her head.  "I heard it is quite good here though. I have never had roast duck either."

"Is it good?"

Silia nods and hold out her fork with a piece of meat on it.  "Want some?"

Before she even has time to think, Valkyrie leans forward and slides the duck meat off the fork with her teeth and eats it.

—

Sif doesn't know if she should be turned on by the way Valerie takes the duck meat, but she knows that it looks attractive at least.  When the waiter comes by again, the two of them have finished.

"Fellow human," she calls.  "May we have more of this foreign meat?"

The waiter looks startled at being called that way and Sif realizes her mistake, but he recovers quickly. 

"Of course."

They order so much food that the waiter eventually just starts giving them larger portions.  Silia wonders if it is unethical that she's keeping her true origins hidden. The guilt is starting to eat at her, but seeing Valerie smile during their conversations is worth the lies.

—  


Valkyrie is falling for Silia, whether she likes it or not.  She mentally traced the other woman's lips, imagining them on hers. And she supposed she focused more on her lips than her words.

"Valerie, did you hear me?"

"No, I'm sorry," she says quickly.  "You were saying? 

"Do you want to stay for dessert?" Silia asks.  "Or my friend has recommended an ice cream cart down the road.  I haven't tried it yet. Do you want to try it with me?"

Valerie glances down at the pile of empty plates on their table.  She isn't sure how much she's eaten, but the ice cream cart has to be cheaper than this place. "Of course."

They decide to split the bill.  Silia fumbles a bit in getting out her wallet and takes a while counting out bills.  Neither has a credit card.

—

On the walk to the ice cream cart, they take a few wrong turns and end up in a junky black market.  Sif honestly doesn't care. Both of them are laughing so much, they don't notice the stares they receive.  Sif doesn't remember the last time she's had so much fun. Valerie is a perfect match for her. She watches as her date throws back her head as she laughs to the sky, dark hair streaming down her shoulders.

She's never been so much in love.

—  


They run out of things to talk about: swords, guns, sparring, drinks, pretty much everything Valkyrie likes.  Are all mortals this amazing and beautiful?

The ice cream is cold, especially in cool weather, but they make the most of it.  They stop at the harbor and just stare out at the waves, holding hands.

About ten minutes later, Silia starts shaking and Valkyrie is shocked to see her look so pale, she drops her hand.  Did she mess up? What did she do?

"I'm sorry," Silia says finally. "I thought I could keep this a secret, but I guess not."

"Well whatever you have to say, you can say it," Valkyrie reassures her.  "I will still be here."

Silia smiles slightly but her next words are the unexpected.  "I'm Asgardian."

"You're Asgardian?" Valkyrie repeats, her mind going a mile a minute.  She knew something was off about this Midgardian but she couldn't place it until now.  She just assumed it was easier to talk to some mortals than others."I'm Asgardian as well!  Why didn't you tell me? I could've come without this stupid cloth!"

And before she even knows what she's doing, she unbinds the cloth and lets it fall.  Silia gasps and backs up, staring at her reverently.

"You're a Valkyrie!"  She takes a breath and calms herself.  "I'm sorry, I just idolize you."

"Well, if I'm going to reveal myself, you should too."

Silia nods and there's a flash of light before she reappears, decked out in armor. 

"Lady Sif!”

—

Somehow they end up in a bar, and then some hotel room.  The details are hazy but Sif is too drunk to care. All she cares about is sharing this moment with her new lover, Valkyrie.

—

"I told you they'd figure it out."

Thor frowns.  "I knew as well."

"Did you hint to them at all?" Loki turns to his brother in disbelief.

Thor shakes his head.  "I tried not to. It wasn't easy."

"You should've let me do it."

"You barely talk to them.  They don't like you. They wouldn't have trusted you enough for this."

"Well it was my plan.  I'm taking the credit."

"Of course you are."


	2. reveal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A short sequel chapter

When Sif leads Valkyrie back into Asgard, the Warriors Three are waiting for her. She has to give it to them: they are loyal to her and her cause maybe more than she herself is.

"Valkyrie, I assume you already know the Warriors Three," she says to her lover and Valkyrie nods, her eyes bright.

"I have heard a lot about you," she says. "Formidable warriors, all of you."

"And you are the valkyrie Brunhilde," Hogun replies respectably. "We are honored to be in your presence."

Valkyrie's face shows guilt for a second before she inclines her head. Sif can tell the formalities are killing her, yet she hides it well. "As to you. The honor is all mine."

Fandral, as usual, is the one to break custom. "Well, Lady Brunnhilde, how good is she in bed?" His head nods in Sif's direction and the female warrior feels her face burn.

"Fandral," she says warningly, but Valkyrie's face splits into a wide grin.

"Just excellent," she says and Sif wants to leave the room at the smirk Fandral gives her.

"Well then, you chose well," he says with a bow, face still bearing that obnoxious grin. "Just don't get too aroused tonight, yes?"

She wants to slap him.

\--

"Lady Sif! Brunnhilde!" Thor walks across the courtyard towards them, arms spread in greeting. "How did your date go?"

"Wait, you knew that we went on a date together?"

A strange expression flashes across Thor's face and he says quickly, "Oh, but of course! I heard from Heimdall about it!"

Sif stares at him suspiciously. Apparently she's not the only one who questions his sudden cover-up because Valkyrie asks, "Thor, what did you do?"

Loki appears besides them so suddenly, Sif's first instinct is to stab him out of surprise and revulsion. "He didn't do anything, did you, brother?"

He says the word 'brother' with such intensity, it just deepens her suspicion. "You two have done something. What did you do?"

"Nothing, Lady Sif!" She's pretty sure Thor is sweating now. "I'm just glad to see you two together!"

"Well, I don't doubt that," Valkyrie puts in. "But you two are acting very suspicious."

"Oh, Loki?" Thor turns to his brother. "He's always suspicious."

Loki looks offended.

Sif opens her mouth to confront them but Loki grabs his brother's arm and they vanish.

\--

"You need to stop this," Loki warns once they find a secluded spot to talk. "Unless you want to be found out and have two very dangerous warriors after our heads."

"They're happy together," Thor protests. "They will not beat us if they understand how happy they are together."

"Yes, they'll beat us and then they'll go make out," Loki hisses. "Do you not know how your own friends' minds work?"

Thor grins and claps his brother on the back, nearly causing the latter to fall to the ground from the sheer force of it. "Don't worry, brother. It'll be fine."

He walks off, leaving Loki to stare after him in disbelief.

\--

Sif is too tense to unwind all night. She needs to know what Loki and Thor are up to before she allows herself to become too drunk. She warns Valkyrie the same and her lover reluctantly agrees.

"Well we need to figure it out quickly because I want to drink more than three bottle tonight," she says, and Sif kisses her forehead and promises her that she will try to find out as fast as she can.

She finds Thor in a corner surrounded by the Warriors Three and a bunch of other citizens. He seems to be telling a story, though he breaks off when he sees her approach.

"Hello Lady Sif," he says, chugging down half a bottle as he speaks. "Do you need anything?"

He looks drunk, and Sif decides she has nothing to lose. "Why are you being so strange in regards to Brunnhilde and my date?" she asks, and Thor hiccups, looking guilty once more.

"Ah, see, I can explain--"

"You better explain quickly," Sif says. "Or else." She doesn't say what she'll do, partially because she wants to come up with something creative and now isn't the time to do so."

"Okay okay. Loki had an idea to hook you two up with those Midgardian dating sites because he said nothing was better than a kick-ass female warrior than two kick-ass female warriors." He hiccups before continuing. "So I helped you two set up the sites and then paired you off. You choosing each other was purely luck, however."

He takes another swig from his bottle, looking like he's expecting to get his head sliced off for his troubles.

Surprisingly, Sif doesn't really care.

"Yeah, okay, whatever." She leaves.

When she gets back to her seat with Valkyrie, the other woman cuddles next to her and brushes aside some loose hairs to whisper in her ear: "What did he say?"

Sif decides to become as blunt as possible. "Thor and Loki set us up."

Valkyrie smiles and moves closer, raising her glass of vodka in mock celebration, her voice dipping to a husky murmur. "Well, we'll have to thank them when we're done with our thing."

Sif smiles. "Yes, we will."


End file.
